A Wedding Homily by Peter J. Wallace

[Note: This was my homily for the wedding of Christopher and Shelby Aemmer last Saturday. I don’t think I’ve ever heard so many people laughing at one of my sermons — but then again, you also need to read the homily in the light of the fact that the groom was visibly shaking for the first part of the service. I think the opening line broke the tension and allowed everyone to ease up a bit!]

This isn’t going to end well.

Carl Trueman points out that “All human marriages begin with joy but end in tragedy. Whether it is divorce or death, the human bond of love is eventually torn apart.”

This isn’t going to end well. At its best, this marriage will last for 50-60 years, and then it will end in tragedy. At least one of you will be heartbroken. Or, maybe you both die together in a car wreck — so at least you go together! If that’s the best you can hope for…

So why on earth are you standing here? Why on earth do you want to go through with this?

Why on earth? Well, there are earthly reasons for getting married. Marriage was ordained for procreation. God said, “be fruitful and multiply,” which means, “Go have babies”! After the fall, marriage provides a remedy against fornication, and provides mutual help and comfort. These are good things.

It’s why everyone gets all dressed up for the wedding! The beauty of the surrounding assembly all points to the glorious radiance of the bride, and the splendor of the groom! The public splendor of this moment is designed to prefigure the private splendor that comes later. And yes, the physical intimacy of love-making is delightful! And those little critters that pop out 9 months later are delightful in an entirely different sense!

These are still good earthly reasons for getting married. But even so, this marriage is heading for a tragic end – where one or both of you ends up heartbroken! So let us consider the heavenly reason why you would get married.

After all, while “all human marriages begin with joy but end in tragedy…The marriage of Christ and his church…began with tragedy and ends with a joyful and loving union which will never be rent asunder. There is joy to which we point in our worship, the joy of the Lamb’s wedding feast.” (Carl Trueman) This is why we say that marriage “signifies to us the mystical union between Christ and his Church.”

If you think of marriage as primarily about your own happiness – primarily about your own comfort – then all you will find is disappointment and death. But if you think of marriage as primarily about the other – so that you seek the good of one another – then you will still find disappointment and death!

Because, Shelby, this guy will disappoint you more than anyone ever has! And, Christopher, she’s going to fail you like you wouldn’t believe! You two are going to sin against each over and over again! You are going to be miserable! And then you’re gonna die. So why are you here? Oh, that’s right! Because marriage isn’t primarily about your own happiness – or about the other’s happiness.

Marriage is about Jesus.

Marriage signifies to us the mystical union between Christ and his Church – a marriage that began with tragedy, and ends with glory.

This is why marriage must always involve bearing the cross. Chris, why do you love Shelby? Don’t say, “Because she’s so lovable!”     because there are days when she’s not lovable. You love Shelby because Christ loved you and he died so that you might live. Marriage is all about the gospel. If your love depends on her performance, that’s a marriage based on works, not grace. And likewise, Shelby, if you only give yourself to Christopher because he’s such a charming fellow, well, he’s not always quite so charming! A marriage based on the gospel keeps your eyes fixed on Jesus.

And when you forget the gospel, when you sin against each other, repent! Forgive! As God, in Christ, has forgiven you.

But I don’t want to forgive! What she did was wrong! What he did hurts!

A marriage fixated on law – a marriage fixated on rights – will become a wasteland, where the two of you are clinging desperately to a me-centered universe of one!

So what do you do? Love God. Love one another. Repent, and believe the gospel. That sounds simple. It is simple. It’s not easy – love is the hardest thing in the world! – but a gospel-centered marriage, a gospel-centered life, is simple.

It just means have the same mind that was in Christ Jesus – that mind that is yours in Christ Jesus – “who though he was in the form of God, did not consider equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” (Phil 2:6-11)