It seems as though everywhere you turn, you see another example of the abuse, the manipulation, and the deceitfulness of power. In recent months I’ve encountered so many stories of abusive husbands, fathers, pastors, and politicians that I’ve been left reeling.
One common feature in these stories is how slow people are to do something about it. It’s pretty easy to see the pattern: other people see the problem, but they are slow to do anything because they wonder “Am I just over-reacting?” “No one else seems to think that this is a problem.” “And when I look at myself, I face the same temptations — on a bad day, maybe I would do that too…”
And so we say nothing. We do nothing. We even think that we are being charitable — “showing grace” to someone, like we would want someone to show grace to us, right?
Except for one thing.
What about the people who are suffering under the abuse? Who will speak on behalf of the poor? Who will speak up for the oppressed? They are often so deceived that they don’t even realize that they are oppressed! How often does the abused wife defend her husband? How often do they say, “Oh, but I deserved it — I was in the wrong, after all!”
Part of the manipulation and deceitfulness of the abuse of power is that it is based on a half-truth: since we are sinners, we all “deserve” bad things. So when the abuser says, “It’s because of what you did,” it is really easy for us to believe him.
At this point, every single husband among you should be saying, “I’ve done this to my wife!” Every parent should say, “I’ve done this to my child.” Every pastor and elder should say, “I’ve done this to my flock.”
And this, my friends, is why we are paralyzed when we face abuse in others. We hear the words, “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone,” and so we do not dare to bring an accusation. After all, on a bad day, it could have been me…
So how do you know when to speak up? I will give an answer that I have failed to practice myself — partly in order to encourage myself to heed my own words! You always speak up. Obviously, you cannot speak into every situation of abuse in the world. So when I say “always” I mean, in every case where you have the opportunity to speak.
If you see someone who is abusing authority, then you should speak the truth in love, and show him his fault. If he is a wise man, he will love you for it (Proverbs 9). If he is a fool, he will hate you, and the result will probably be ugly — but at least there will be an opportunity for his folly to be unmasked. It can be as simple as asking a question, “Why did you say X to your wife?” “Can you explain why you did Y with your children?” You don’t have to take a “adversarial” approach. After all, you are doing this because you love him (or her). You want him to grow in wisdom. If you speak with the voice of the Good Shepherd, then ordinarily the sheep will hear His voice.
But what if they don’t? Well, that’s why Jesus gave us a way of handling such matters. If they refuse to listen — if they don’t repent — then you take one or two others and try again. If he won’t listen to them, then you tell it to the church (Matt. 19) — you bring a charge to the elders.
And then there are the hard cases. Several years ago a friend told me of a girl who accused her step-father of sexually abusing her. There was only one witness (the girl), and the man denied it. There was no other evidence. The elders believed the girl (and encouraged her mother to divorce the man), but how could they proceed with an ecclesiastical trial? They took seriously the saying, “Where there is smoke, there is fire,” and conducted a thorough investigation. It was highly unlikely that a man would molest his step-daughter once and never do anything else improper. Sure enough. They found other things that had sufficient witnesses. Maybe they could not convict him of the one thing that he denied — but they could assure the girl that (as far as the church was concerned) he would no longer be able to prey upon the weak. [And the church cooperated with a civil investigation that put the man in prison.]
If we do not speak on behalf of the weak, then the powerful will continue to oppress them. And if we do not gently confront the little “slippages” (as we call them!) among ourselves, then we will become oppressors in our turn.
And this is why we need to continually listen to the voice of the Good Shepherd ourselves. In a world that is overrun by words that bite and devour, we need to listen to the Word who became flesh and dwelt among us.
