I have been convinced for quite some time of the importance of gospel-centered parenting — namely, that what my children need most is *not* a heavy dose of the law, but the regular and steady encouragement of the gospel. One of the great “ah-ha” moments came last spring when I was at my wits end with one of my children, and I was about to launch into one of those regrettable “you’re going to lose every privilege known to man” speeches — when God gave me just enough grace to ask, “So what are you thinking about all this?” (possibly even in a gracious tone!). The result was that I discovered that my child was far more disgusted with sin than I had realized — at which point it dawned on me (again) that what my children need is the gospel — the good news that Jesus has done what we could not possibly have done for ourselves.
Our tendency is to relapse towards the law — a standard that neither we nor our fathers have been able to bear, yet for some strange reason we seem to think that our children can succeed where Adam and Israel and David all failed. Do we obey God the first time? Yet we expect “first-time obedience” from our children! Do we get everything done on time the way it is “supposed” to be done? Yet woe to the child who falls short of our standards!
Now, it is true that God expects obedience of us — and we should expect obedience of our children. God’s standard has never changed. God never says “Oh, it’s okay to sin — I don’t mind if you mess up here and there!” No!! God says that sin is repugnant to him and he calls us to be holy as he is holy. Sin is not okay. But when we fall short, God does not say, “you’re going to lose every privilege known to man!” Rather, when we fell short, God sent his Son to die for us — to “lose every privilege known to man” — so that we might be restored to God’s favor.
So who says, “You’re going to lose every privilege known to man?” That would be the accuser — the adversary. Adversarial parenting — law-centered parenting — is fundamentally Satanic. Satan is the one who accuses us of falling short — who says that we are not good enough — who constantly reminds us of how we fail. And when we as parents take an adversarial approach to our children, we are imitating him.
Gospel-centered parenting (like gospel-centered marriage and gospel-centered life!) does not say that sin is okay. Far from it! Gospel-centered parenting says that sin is so awful that God had to send his Son to pay the penalty for sin. And so therefore my children and I both need Jesus — and so we repent, and we forgive, and we rejoice that we are no longer slaves to sin and death, and then we try again to love God and love one another and grow together in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
